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Journeys out of postnatal depression

Tag: daughter

August 27, 2018 MumVoice

Frankie – taking a walk around the block was the start of something much bigger and more beautiful

August 24, 2018January 22, 2019 MumVoice

My journey out of post natal depression – by Antonia

August 22, 2018August 23, 2018 MumVoice

Emily – how CBT and medication helped her with postnatal anxiety and how she now runs a group helping other mothers

June 27, 2018June 28, 2018 MumVoice

I won’t be THAT sort of mum…

January 11, 2018August 22, 2018 MumVoice

Trying not to loose my shit in the morning. Failing.

January 10, 2018January 27, 2018 MumVoice

London Transport Museum, clipper boat & more

January 3, 2018January 4, 2018 MumVoice

Birth and a cup of tea

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About Me

Hi! I’m Antonia, British blogger, Mum to two wild things and one very domesticated cat. Founder of MumVoice.com, a platform for opening up bravely honest conversations about Motherhood and championing Mumpreneurs.

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My husband’s not a flowers guy. We’ve been together about 15 years and I think he’s bought me flowers twice. Once instead of flowers he said, ‘I was going to buy you flowers and then I saw THIS and I had to get it for you’. It was a GIANT watermelon. We only had butter knives in my first flat and so chopping it was a story in itself. I guess what I’m saying is the cliche romantic gestures can be romantic for some but don’t miss the off beat thoughtful stuff too. It’s taken me years to even start to understand Andy’s logic (and him mine) and his ways of demonstrating love for me. Once I spent weeks deciding on a dress for a special party. I put it on, did my make up and hair and came out to show Andy, innocently expecting some sort of film style ‘wow’ moment. But instead he said ‘you look just like a cuttlefish!’ I was so crushed. I didn’t say anything but through the night he slowly figured out I was really upset. He said ‘what’s the matter?’ And I said I wanted to look really pretty tonight but you said I look like a fish! He said ‘but I do think you look beautiful. I didn’t say a fish, I said a cuttlefish. Haven’t you seen one swimming in the water before (no I had not, reader), they’re stunning, they’re ana amazing shape and they’re iridescent’. I know, right. I had been imagining those white dried and smelly cuttlefish bones you see washed up. Google colourful cuttlefish and you’ll see they’re remarkable creatures. . I feel awkward around traditional romance. I don’t like white table cloth restaurants or ones where the waiter says to the man ‘and would you like to see the wine list, sir?’ It’s taken me a while to realise that Thai food can be our version of romance. That making lemsip or buying him a cookie or feeling him rub my back are our tokens of love. It’s been a big journey for us. Birthday presents aren’t important, nor breakfast in bed or wordy cards. I always think of Andy when I see Watermelons for sale. Having said all that if someone could tell him the biggest display of love since having kids is emptying the bin then I’d really appreciate that 🙏🏼. . #marriage #10years #flowers #watermelon #love #lovetoken #lovelanguage #husband #libertys

Natural family planning and contraception you say? I tried the pill, I tried the coil, I tried condoms. Contraception is a serious issue of which most of the burden seems to fall to the woman. Women are fertile about 3 days a month. Men are fertile 30 days. I feel Andy should be doing the majority of the work seen as I’m barren most of the month. So for the last 10 years Andy and I have monitored my cycles and do our best to use it to avoid getting pregnant. We use withdrawal method. It’s take two to make this work 👩‍❤️‍👨. . When we tried for a baby it happened first time both times because I knew exactly when I was ovulating and did a headstand like a motherf*cker afterwards. I have to say to this date we’ve not had one scare but no contraception method is fool proof and I won’t sit here and pretend the idea of an accident doesn’t occasionally haunt me. However the idea of taking hormones or having a piece of metal coil inserted right up into my uterus with a ‘breath and count to ten’ technique frankly creeps me out more. . I know when I’m ovulating because of the fluid (clear, slippery and like an egg white) and once you notice it you wonder how you ever missed it! I also notice I feel far sexier at this time. The morning I leave the house in pleather you know I’m ovulating 😆✌🏼. . Check out @_clairebaker_ book for more info. Do think about how you could make your natural cycles work for you. I love the whole process of my cycles, even the bleed. A period means blessed time alone for Gods sake, heavenly. Right up to ovulation where you think everyone’s noticing how shiny your hair is and how it affects my creativity, my desire to socialise, my mood. I definitely believe in living with our cycles, harnessing our natural Rhythms and feminine power and I know that sounds kooky as fuck but I did train as a yoga teacher and I am on day 10 of my cycle so what do you expect? . Checked shirt by @Sézane. Cat necklace by @tedandkip . . #cat #sezane #period #cycle #contraception #mum #mummy #birth #pregnant #charting #clothes #style #whatiwore #jewelry #independentdesigner #british #britishmum #withdrawl #coil #thepill #familyplanning

And people say to me, don’t you just hate your commute and having to travel to London for work? Plot spoiler. Nope. . London giving me her ALL this fine and frosty morning. I might live in the middle of four fields and witness my cat chasing deer in the garden but I have a special place in my heart for London and all it’s vibrancy. . #london #regentsstreet #morning #frost #frostymorning #commute

Returning to tv work after parenthood was hard. It only happened by accident (thank God). I was asked to cover for 2 weeks and I’m still there (2 years later). My self esteem was on the floor after birthing and raising two kids. I couldn’t imagine I would be able to remember how to do my TV job, let alone juggle it with kids. It seemed wildly out of reach; childcare, commuting, kids illnesses all mixed with inconvenient filming hours? How would I be able to work until midnight? How would I get to studio early enough? But the process taught me to think through one small problem at a time. how bloody lucky I was that a window of opportunity to trial it came along. The small amount of commitment felt doable. I didn’t need to tackle every obstacle at once. I’ve been working two years and not only remembered my job but totally bossed it, so much so that after a few months i was promoted!! How out of line my perception of my skills was to what other people valued them was? I thought so little of myself. Not only could I do my job but I could do it in less time than before whilst able to take on more responsibility. There are huge benefits to becoming a mother. You become wildly more efficient with the time you do have 😂😂✌🏼. I used to be a production coordinator and now I’m a production manager helping run a team and get a tv show in on budget. It’s very similar to having a family. Keeping everyone happy, keeping tabs on everyone. I don’t know where my job will take me and I definitely still have days and weeks of crippling self doubt when I worry about the kids happiness or my ability. But ain’t no business better to work in than show business and for the moment I’m utterly grateful that the first thing my boss asks me when I get into work in the new year is ‘tell me about what good tv you watched’? Mamas out there - don’t underestimate your skills, authority and powers of focus. You can chop cucumber and balance budgets (if you want ✌🏼). . Jean jumpsuit from @topshop. Sunshine by a very out of character UK. . #workingmum #boss #motherhood #mumfail #mumwin #funnymum #mummy #kitchen #jumpsuit #topshop #denim #denimjumpsuitmurah

A third baby? It’s a question I get asked more often than I’d expect. Probably more than a second. Maybe because I’m enjoying motherhood so much, I have a mum blog etc. I seem the ‘type’ 😂 (...if you don’t know me very well). But no. NO. Nononononono. Sometimes I wish I were a different person, the sort of person who could deal with three kids, who could embrace the uncertainty, the change of routine and body again. But really I’m not. It’s such a sacrifice of all your needs and wants to have kids. In those first few years particularly it is so entirely all consuming. But my top reasons for not having a third? 1. I don’t want to put my body through it again. My pelvic floor is weak and I worry what a third would do in all truth. 2. I’m slightly scared about labour, how vulnerable I’d be, I had issues with a retained placenta and I don’t want to risk it again. 3. My husband is adamant not to have any more. We can manage with two, with three one of us would have to wholly rethink goals/ work/ the next 5 years. 4. We’ve just found equilibrium. I had forgotten what feeling rested and happy felt like. It’s pretty great. 5. I love my job, I’m only just starting to give it more time and focus. It gives me so much independence and self worth I couldn’t bear the idea of sacrificing that again.. . But yeah, I’m human. I dream. And three days every month I absolutely think it’s a good idea to have a third. Emotions are very complex and contradictory. I have to ride the hormones. When I’m ovulating and I creep into my bedrooms at night and smell them and gaze in total awe you can bet I’m hoping for an accident. But every time I get my period I am utterly relieved. I presume everyone has these wild thoughts. Please say it’s not just me 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😂. . . #kids #kid #pregnancy #third #thirdbaby #twokids #shouldi #contraception #period #love #family #mumblog #blogger #mummyblog #jacket #decision #familyplanning #sun #myfamily

My youngest is nearly 3 years old so it means we can finally finish decorating the house. Prior to this he was just too boisterous. Pulling everything, climbing on everything I didn’t dare get anything breakable. But now the flowers are back on the table and I think it’s such a good metaphor. if my life had chapters this one would be titled ‘THE GLASS VASES ARE OUT’. I’ve just been to Oliver Bonas and bought a couple of their fake plants which sit on this beautiful steel stands. They’re so realistic and well priced. I’ve also bought velvet armchairs and a couple of @emmajshipley pillows (swipe too see) because the kids can now understand chocolate fingers will not be appreciated 😂. We’ve also moved bedrooms and sleep at the front of the house. It’s so much quieter because the back gets a lot of motorway noise. We’re getting much better sleep and even just bought a bed with a tv built in 😱. It’s amazing! We got ours from @bensonsforbedshq . I’ll put up a photo once we’ve finished the bedroom. Anyway, I have no idea how people have beautiful looking homes with babies. Both my homes have been a total bomb site until the kids got potty trained 😆. Anyway, the wait’s been worth it. . . #homedecoration #pillows #oliverbonas #lamp #livingroom #rug #berberrug #roses #fakeplants #fauxplants #planter #danish #scandi #houserenovation #interiors #mum #mumblog

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