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Journeys out of postnatal depression

Journeys out of postnatal depression

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About Me

Hi! I’m Antonia, British blogger, Mum to two wild things and one very domesticated cat. Founder of MumVoice.com, a platform for opening up bravely honest conversations about Motherhood and championing Mumpreneurs.

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I hate drinking. There! I’ve said it. I hate a hangover, I hate saying cringey things, I hate how it knocks my immune system and brings me out in the mother of all spots and then as a bonus when you think all is said it done it rips through my digestion system the next morning 😬😬😬. I basically know that two drinks is plenty for me because right now in my life I don’t have time for hangovers, extra colds and flus or loosing my job by saying something ‘incredibly hilarious’ to a professional comedian. . But I hate being the boring one. I also hate explaining all the reasons I don’t like drinking to people without kids. Don’t people understand I’m hanging on to my job, my marriage, my sanity as it is. A bottle of tequila would definitely send me over the edge. I’d start googling prices for one way trips to Aruba and you’d never see me again. Right now I’m investing in my kids future. I’m not at the stage where you actually enjoy motherhood - apparently that kicks in when they leave home 🕵️‍♀️😉. . There are exceptions to the ‘don’t get drunk rule’. I’ll get drunk at lunch time because I can sober up before bed - aaaahhhh - all you parents have been missing out the benefits of daytime drinking. But choose wisely, you have to do it with other parents who don’t judge. I’ll also drink with close friends (they love my very unfunny jokes but we never see each other) or if I’m on holiday without the kids (so basically never). My favourite drink is a spicy Margarita 🌶. They’re like an illicit lover (IN MY IMAGINATION because I don’t have time to get a coffee in the morning let alone take on another demanding male in my life). They’re sweet and thrilling but too many and the after-effects wreck merry hell with your body and mind 🔥. So when my kids leave home you’ll find my drinking these for days ✌🏼. They did the best spicy margarita at Soho house. . Anyone else pathetic/ empowered that they don’t get drunk any more? What do you say when people say why? . #mum #mummy #mumblog #bligger #mummyblog #margarita #spicymargarita #spots #indigestion #ttotal #noalcohol #party #christmas #christmasparty #sohohouse #cocktails #funnymum #funnymummy #badmum #aruba

It’s hard to find space to do my make up in the morning let alone squeeze in some personal hopes + dreams. I can’t leave the house without bronzer or an aspirational podcast 🤣. So send me all your recommendations PLEASE 🌿🙏🏼.It can be hard to stay motivated and positive in the winter. The pressure to deliver the perfect Christmas, the expectations from schools and nurseries to constantly provide bottles of wine and £10 notes. The anticipation of all those dark nights and norovirus. FUUUUUUCK. . My daughter is always awake before me. She’s only 5 and I swear she needs less sleep than me. She’s powered on enthusiasm for elf on the shelf hunting and chocolate calendars. Normally she’ll creep into our bedroom but recently she’s taken to surprising me the moment I walk out of the bedroom. Ah! Morning Lumen. Morning mum. Morning mum. Where’s the elves? What do you think they did last night? Can I write my teachers Christmas cards? What’s for breakfast? Can I have jam? Can I have jam and bagels? Can I have two jam and bagels?? It’s only 0645. I walk down the corridor wrapping my grubby dressing gown around me until I reach Oatys room. I go in and he hides under his duvet laughing like a Buffoon. I hiding, I hiding, mama. Come on you need a wee. No i don’t! I want jam and bagel. . The chorus of ‘Jammy bagel’ follows me into the kitchen. They are like two Robin William-esque genies let out of the bottle running around the kitchen. Helping themselves, chatting, wrestling, dancing, pulling their pants down. It’s a level of chaos I could not comprehend before I was a parent. The uncontrollable energy and enthusiasm of my children. So I let them and sometimes, just sometimes I put on my favourite Kanye CD and mum-dance right there in the kitchen to acapella ‘jammy bagel’, naked 2 yo butts, marmite stained dressing gowns and a clock that hasn’t even struck 7! . And I always feel a bit better because they laugh so hard and only spur me on with ‘more! MORE!’ Sometimes you gotta surrender to the madness, mess and lack of personal space. Ain’t nothing like family 🌿. Now, send me podcast recommendations 😘

Went to see Frozen II with the mini beasts. You might thing we went because my target audience 5 year old girl had begged me. But actually it was my 2 year old boy who is totally Frozen obsessed! I’ve written about this in my stories but I’ve found the gender stereotyping really has only become an issue since having my son. I see the constant alpha male messages thrown at him. What he should wear. What he should play with. How he should behave. How short his hair should be (FFS 🤯🤦🏽‍♀️). It’s intense. Every single time he picks up a dolly, wears a princess dress or plays with the babies in the Creche I notice it. But each and every time he does I remind myself it’s an opportunity to embrace his personality and make little cracks in frankly toxic masculinity (Grayson Perry’s book is brilliant all about this). Why are there so few frozen toys aimed at boys? I finally found a frozen t shirt for him in m & s and proudly brought it home. He was so excited but when he put it on he said ‘but mama, it’s Olaf, not Elsa’. Because M&S presumes boys don’t want to wear T-shirt’s with princesses on it (although girls will happily wear Simba T-shirts 🙄). Why can’t I find boys clothes in pink (one of his favourite colours?), why is playing with babies a feminine attribute? Lumen can wear any colour clothes she wants, she can cry when she’s sad and get sympathy and cuddles, she can play with trucks or babies. No one cares. So here’s my Frozen loving boy in his personalised Elsa t shirt that I could specially order from @nextofficial (thanks!!) . Dear God it’s nearly 2020. Playing with dolls won’t make you feeble, gay, embarrassing, weak or stupid. It might just make our boys more emotionally intelligent, kind, fun and empathetic. To boys who love sequins, dresses, trucks, mud, babies, Elsa and plenty of cuddles. Don’t be scared to be you. It’s taken me long enough to learn this lesson I’m damn sure my kids will never forget they’re perfect just as they are. Thanks @disneyfrozen for a brilliant movie ❄️❄️❄️❤️. #frozen #frozentwo #frozenII #boys #elsa #anna #boyslovefrozen #genderstereotyping #boyslovepink #boys #son #beyou #motherhood #mum #mummy #blogger #blog #disney

My husband had been shitting himself all day and so I’d been looking after both kids on a weekend, also feeling nauseous myself and trying to give the kids quality mum time because I’ve been working a lot. When 7pm bedtime rolled around I CAN NOT TELL YOU the relief I felt as I swept away the last plate. And then my phone buzzed. ‘Gousto delivery’. Perfect timing. I went outside. Nope. This INCENSED me as it was the 2nd time (out of only 4 orders) they’ve failed to deliver. The Gousto box is my four dinners for the week. I got on the Gousto chat which promised me an immediate response...to be informed they were all away the weekend. The rage, the nausea was all too much. I stomped to bed with my green looking husband and watched some reality tv. At 10pm I rolled over to find a voicemail. Instant alarm. ‘Hello, it’s Robert, you don’t know me...’. Word for the wise. That’s a super creepy way to start a voicemail to a woman at 10pm 🤣🤣. Anyway, he had my Gousto box and gave me directions to my house. So instead of rolling into a deep sleep I rolled out of bed in my pjs, put on my (fake) Uggs and headed out. Robert had said ‘don’t worry I’ll leave the gates open’. Not too shabby I thought. Until I saw the gates and then I immediately thought. Shit, I’m in MY PYJAMAS ABOUT TO MEET GENTRY!’ I almost aborted the mission but I’m so tired and desperate for bed I coast into their driveway. There’s two paths to drive down. Luckily 52 private street lights beam the way for me. Robert is standing at (one of his) doorways. I figure I’ll grab the box off him and jump back in the car but he ushers me inside. HAS HE NOT SEEN ME? HAVE I WATCH NO HORROR MOVIES?? his house is even more glamorous inside. Not footballers wives but luxury Scandinavian living. I met his super sweet wife. I see the whole ground floor. Eventually they hand me my box. Why didn’t I take off my boots? Why am I not wearing a bra?? I would thank them but I have my night time retainers in so instead I spit all over them trying to form the ‘th’ sound over and over. ‘You really should try Abel and Cole’ they say as they wave me off. Thanks Gousto for making my week so easy and stress free 😆😆😆

I explained to her how sometimes moss can feel like velvet. . . #parenting #trees #kids #mothernature #winter #moss #motherhood #velvet #love #treehugger

Are you leaving love? Someone yells across the car park. I said, are you LEAVING, love? I twig he may be yelling at me. Me?? I say, pointing to myself flustered like an absolute buffoon. Yes, you! You’ve got in and out your car three times and I’ve been waiting here all this time for you to make up your mind. . A moments silence for the patience I did not have (did he not see the toddler in the back seat??). Nor the moment only 10 minutes earlier as I felt my wrist start to sprain under the weight of one errant toddler who needed to be physically held so I could pay for my Christmas tat in Poundland whilst the lady behind me asked me whether I could move forwards (an inch). . I mean. I fucking hate Christmas. Couple it with PMT and a moany, whinging, risk averse, chocolate loving thieving toddler. I’m not someone who hides their frustration either so both these people got far more than a hard stare. They almost got the gift of looking after my toddler and trying to do their Christmas shopping for the day. I said to the lady. Go on, if you’re in a such a rush you go first! Go on! I said. Daring her. But instead she quietly said ‘I’m so sorry! I know JUST what it’s like. They’re so heavy and it’s so hard. You’re doing a great job’. And I could’ve cried. If I wasn’t still so angry at her for telling me to budge up and then mad at myself for loosing my temper. In Poundland! . Be patient with the mamas for all their unvented anger needs somewhere to go this festive season🤣🤣🤣🎄. . #poundland #mum #mumblog #badmum #funny #funnymum #christmas #familychristmas #toddler #christmasshopping #kids #christmaskids #cutekids #christmasjumper #santa

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