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Journeys out of postnatal depression

Journeys out of postnatal depression

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About Me

Hi! I’m Antonia, British blogger, Mum to two wild things and one very domesticated cat. Founder of MumVoice.com, a platform for opening up bravely honest conversations about Motherhood and championing Mumpreneurs.

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#Repost @__nitch ・・・ Arundhati Roy // "Who can look at anything any more...a door handle, a cardboard carton, a bag of vegetables...without imagining it swarming with those unseeable, undead, unliving blobs...waiting to fasten themselves on to our lungs?... Who among us is not a quack epidemiologist, virologist, statistician and prophet? Which scientist or doctor is not secretly praying for a miracle? Which priest is not...secretly, at least...submitting to science? The virus has...struck hardest, thus far, in the richest, most powerful nations of the world, bringing the engine of capitalism to a juddering halt... The mandarins who are managing this pandemic are fond of speaking of war... But if it really were a war, then who would be better prepared than the US? If it were not masks and gloves that its frontline soldiers needed, but guns, smart bombs...fighter jets and nuclear bombs, would there be a shortage?... The tragedy is immediate, real, epic and unfolding before our eyes. But it isn’t new. It is the wreckage of a train that has been careening down the track for years... What is this thing that has happened to us? It’s a virus, yes. In and of itself it holds no moral brief. But it is definitely more than a virus... It has made the mighty kneel and brought the world to a halt like nothing else could. Our minds are still racing back and forth, longing for a return to 'normality', trying to stitch our future to our past and refusing to acknowledge the rupture. But the rupture exists. And in the midst of this terrible despair, it offers us a chance to rethink the doomsday machine we have built for ourselves. Nothing could be worse than a return to normality. Historically, pandemics have forced humans to break with the past and imagine their world anew. This one is no different. It is a portal, a gateway between one world and the next. We can choose to walk through it, dragging the carcasses of our prejudice and hatred, our avarice, our data banks and dead ideas, our dead rivers and smoky skies behind us. Or we can walk through lightly, with little luggage, ready to imagine another world. An

Tonight I’m painting Nina Simone and her daughter. Nina means a lot to me. One of the first times I had dinner over at my husband’s mums house when we started dating at 18, Nina was playing. My MIL player a lot of Nina during my early 20s and it was the first time I’d heard jazz/ blues / folk. Nina’s music really touched me and made me realise that it wasn’t just contemporary music that I liked. Nina’s music often makes me hugely emotional. To me she was one of our greatest ever singers. ‘Ain’t Go No’ is always a dangerously rousing track ....why am I alive anyway? What have I got? What can no one take away? I got my smile. I got my tongue, my chin, neck..my heart, my soul....I got life. I got my freedom. I got LIFE and I’m gonna keep it... Don’t even get me started on ‘ I shall be released’...I see my light come shining from west down to the east.... 🎵 I’ve never been religious but I’d be in church every damn day if Nina was singing 🤣. Sometimes things just make your body resonate. That might be music or painting or poetry or a person or a delicious bowl a food. Pay attention to that stuff, that’s what makes life so worth living. That’s inspiration and art and the vibration of being alive. The first time I heard Nina, I asked my MIL ‘who is this?’ It’s Nina. Hello Nina, you’re going to be a big part of my life ❤️. #nina #ninasimone #acrylic #acrylicpainting #mum #hobby #isolation #lockdown #coronaviruspainting #covid19art

So probably time to admit I think we had Corona virus back in February. Before they tested. At the time I absolutely did not think it was Covid 19 as that was still only happening in Italy. But here’s what happened. I was on a packed commuter train from london and this man kept dry coughing over me. 5 days later I was taking Lumen to london and thought it was super weird that I fell asleep next to her on the train at 9am. I had a mouth full of ulcers and a dry cough brewing. Over the next few days my husband and I became unwell. He had a raging fever, I had night sweats. The cough was insistent. Then came the headache. I wasn’t able to think clearly, kept forgetting things. More ulcers and a fatigue that was hard to ignore. Sleep 12 hours at night and still need to nap where possible in the day. I generally don’t get sick so I went to work (stupid). My husband went to the doctors and they gave him antibiotics. We both improved and then declined again after a week. I took my husband back to the doctors. He was white as a sheet, very tired. The doctors were bemused. No one discussed Corona, we hadn’t been to Italy or China. They gave my very healthy husband a second round of antibiotics because we were worried about pneumonia . I had nausea and couldn’t eat for two weeks. I carried on going to work because this couldn’t be Corona right?. On day 10 I noticed a tightness in my chest like I had asthma. That carried on for about 3/4 days. I had awful body odour. After 14 days we were better but still fatigued. My son then got a fever for 3/4 days (this was him). My daughter had a mild headache and stomach ache. 3 people in my office contracted the virus and one of their family members is now in hospital. I just wish we’d of known more sooner. The virus was obviously spreading in London much quicker than they anticipated. Better testing would have helped. FOREVER grateful I didn’t see any of my family whilst I was sick. I was suspicious and cancelled everything and antibac-ed all handles, taps etc in the house and kept windows open (just in case). Stay safe. Take your vitamin C. Keep the vulnerable safer still. ❤️❤️❤️ much love to you all.

It’s hard right now. We’re ending week 3 of our stay at home campaign. Every day I work damn hard to have positive thoughts. I know it might seem to people I’m ‘naturally’ upbeat but it’s HARD FUCKING GRAFT people 🤣🤣🤣. But allowing myself to have a moment to vent...where the fuck are the antibody and antigen tests? As we hustle into April and we’ve been dealing with the virus in this country since February, those tests are going to save countless lives and help get our economy back on its feet, but where are they? I’m becoming keenly aware that we can’t stay in lock down forever. There is a grim trade off. between saving lives and on the other side looking after people’s mental health, child abuse, spousal abuse and pushing people into poverty because they don’t have jobs or income. Plus then throwing us into a deep deep recession after all this? It seems all so unthinkable. So, day to day that macro stuff is hard to square away. On a much smaller scale I’m mentally finding it absolutely awful to be confined to the house like this. I only want to walk in a woods, see the seaside, explore some hills. Not being allowed is draining. Doing the same circuits out of the house each day is draining. It is so hard to stay positive when we’re being restricted more and more. I try not think past tomorrow. I try to think of all the good things. I try to count my blessings. But it’s hard. The WhatsApp chats are drying up, the funny chats are disappearing, the job losses are rolling in, my friends and I are crumbling under the endless pressure of trying to work and take care of children. It’s good to look for the positives but also ok to say I need a strong coffee and good movie tonight ❤️❤️❤️ a really heartfelt hug to you all at this very difficult time . #motherhood #isolation #mum #confined #mumsmentalhealth #happymum #sadmum

Our daily routine. Andy normally gets up with the kids because I usually have them most of the day so I lie in bed until 8am. We’ve set the kids groclock to 7:30, feel free to judge me, they haven’t noticed. I wake up and scroll WhatsApp and the news. I get up and throw my gym kit on (unwashed) and go for a jog for 20 minutes. Andy lets the kids watch iPads and makes them breakfast. By 10am if the kids aren’t out of pjs I make an effort to do that and brush their teeth. Then we go for a walk. I try and give the walk purpose like posting a letter or gathering leaves or having challenges for smarties. We come home and do some homework whilst Otis watches tv. I make their lunch and tell them they have ‘free play’. Free play is anything without a screen. They love it because of the name and they think they’ve got free reign. They run off in different directions and generally leap about making a mess, but I’m alone and lunch is made. We have a picnic every weekday. Either outside or inside. Today it was in the shed (see picture). Lumen likes to deck it out with pillows and blankets. We do arts and crafts after lunch. We’ve got a trestle table for the house so the kids can make a mess every day and I don’t panic about glue stains constantly. It’s been amazing. 3pm they alternate who gets to choose a dvd. I make them popcorn and tell them it’s quiet time. They’re not to disturb me because this is the hour I get to reply to work emails/ find my sanity and peace. Then it’s dinner, sometimes a bath and bed. Otis goes to bed 7pm and Lumen gets her iPad with podcasts to listen to until 8pm (sometimes she stays up and watched the voice and eats a second dinner). It’s been a good balance of their needs and mine. Have you found a rhythm that works? 🙏🏼🙏🏼❤️ . #mumblog #diary #schedule #picnic #familytime #sanity #peace #happykids #mumblog #surreymum #isolation #stayhome #makethebest #positivity #run #jog #marriage

Today I put on real clothes, real makeup and even jewellery. It really helped my mood. The big event of the day was to post a letter at the end of our road 🤣🤣. How times have changed. We had an obstacle challenge in the garden and finished our pots of hope so we can post ideas of what we’d like to do after lock down in them. I only have one piece of advice during all this coronavirus and that is please avoid the Daily Mail. The stories they are reporting are fear mongering it seems unethical at such a time. They’re truly awful and bound to upset anyone even those with a decent tolerance to horrific news. The stories they’re hand picking to highlight are of all the wonderful, younger people, parents, good citizens who are dying. They’re implying that young and healthy people are just dying suddenly from this virus. Highlighting only these outlying cases without full information on their medical history is dangerous journalism (I mean, it is the daily mail, they just want click bait). But it’s worth reminding at this time of all the positive stories. The vast majority of people who get this virus are FINE. Even if they’re older or have asthma etc etc etc. We are lucky to live in a westernised country with amazing medical facilities and teams and doctors and nurses on hand. I know it’s scary watching the Excel center turn into a temporary hospital but it’s actually the most amazingly positive news. More places to help. More space, services, protective equipment, ventilators. It’s about perspective and staying rational. If you only read the awful stories you’ll start feeling paranoid and vulnerable. If you look at rational science it’s a whole lot more positive. It’s an awful situation of course but the PRIORITY is we retain our sanity, our sense of humour and hope. It’s hard work but exercising self restraint from news sites that are bad for our mental health is just one way to do this. Talk to yourself. Remind yourself how strong you are. How many times in your life we’ve overcoming something bigger than this. Beware the panic in journalistic coverage, that is contagious.

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